June 1, 2015. A month after I decided to quit smoking. Woke up with a heavy chest as if someone was sitting on it. Widthrawal symptoms are getting worst. Got in to the bathroom, thinking – why the hell did chose to quit cold turkey.

Well, before quitting, i did some research  on what method should i do (and to prepare myself). Cold Turkey has the higest success rate. 70-80% of people who chose the method have successfully quit long term. But – i was also warned, other methods, like assisted medication (nicotine patches, pills, etc.) helps mitigate the withdrawal symptoms and is much more tolerable than sudden stopping while on the other hand, quitting abruptly would have unbearable widthrawal symptoms. Yeah, they used the word “unbearable”. That should have given me a hint on what’s coming to me, but no; having read that word did not linger on my mind. I was so focused on the sysmptoms itself so i continued reading and skipping some pharagraphs which contains some advice (wish i shouldn’t have done that). Anyway…

This information is what I am really interested in.

True enough, i have experienced every one of those. It was brutal. It was hell.

The article said that the chance of success depends on other factors – daily routine, habits, extent of addiction, support from other people – not just the person’s “willpower”. It will really depend on your personality. So, “personality”. 4 weeks into it and the pessimistic side of me is kicking in, “I am most likely to fall of the wagon anytime soon” “Should I stop now and start smoking again?” – it’s what has been circling in my head.

Then I  realized. I am a drug addict. Addicted to a drug called Nicotine. A f-cking ugly realization. I need to STOP.

I am getting it out of my system. After the widthrawal stage, it will be out of me completely, gone forever. If i take one now, even a small amount, just a little consumption, It will accomplish nothing. The pain and suffering that I have gone through will be wasted. The effort, the time, everything.

Now, I know what I’m feeling right now will pass. This crucial period. After this, I know that I will have to stay off smoking and always remeber, NEVER TO TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Written: June 1, 2015.